A War of Words

Today Collin's Cycle Shop picked the top 5 essays in their "Free Fixed Gear" essay contest. The picks were based on votes and well, unfortunately, yours truly was not in the top 5. This came as a surprise as I had counted the essays with the top votes first thing this morning and was sure that I was #4 however it turned out that not all essays were tagged properly so I didn't count a few mediocre (at best) essays written by some very pretty and premiscous young ladies (or so they'd have you believe). Apparently the male majority will favor anything fabricated by an individual that remotely portrays a somewhat attractive member of the opposite sex. Who'd have thought? My only real discrepancy with the outcome of the essay contest would be the lack of rules as pertains to spelling and grammar. Had such rules been in place the Seventh Grade Teacher who just so happened to rack up the most votes would be disqualified (I recently rescued a couple of used 80’s Japanese touring bikes for my wife and I?) No offense to the essay contest leader though, we all can't be professional computer nerds with no college education.

To those of you who didn't vote for me and feel bad that I didn't win: I can do nothing to soothe your guilt, that's just something you'll have to learn to live with. (I hear that it gets easier to accept over time). It may ease your mind to know that I already have three bikes so I'll likely get by.

To my peeps who did vote for me: Thank you for your support. Unfortunately you won't be getting a ride on a free fixed gear anytime soon however next time you're in the neighborhood and find me in a generous enough mood you may find yourself on the receiving end of a ride on a single-speed road bike, cruiser, or vintage ten speed. Stay off the trike, it belongs to my kid!

So what have I learned from this experience? I should base all future essay contest writings from the viewpoint of a highly sexually active, early twenty-something female who has an unusual attractions for bike nerds. Now I just need to come up with a pen name. Suggestions?

Finally I felt that my essay or story, if you will, deserved nothing more than to come home after such a hard-fought battle. So without further delay, I give you



"A Brave New World"

It was the spring of '07 and the pedals of my cycle called to me like a long-lost love. With record oil prices looming, the threat of global climate change and a rapidly declining economy that would make even the devil himself shriek; I answered the call.

Upon the completion of my first 16 mile round trip to my daily place of business I found myself thrust into the world of cycling, a permanent resident. From the neighborhoods of Thurston to the rough and tumble streets of downtown Springtucky to the bike paths of Tracktown USA littered with transients, junkies, runners and my newly acquired brethren of cyclists; every moment was pure joy. And while joyous it was, within two months I found the serenity of the ride interrupted by a horrendous racket equivalent to that of fingernails on the chalkboard. Growing increasingly unbearable by the day, the demonic shrieks from below continued in the attempt to sabotage my ride but this was only fuel for my fire. My drive to overcome the evil that imprisoned my bicycle took me to places unimaginable by any man. This battle I would continue to fight until on the sixty-third day a revelation came to me, a relieving yet utterly disappointing realization that this battle could not be won. Not by myself nor by my enemy who had come to be known only as The Derailleur. It was a battle that could exceed time if not ceased soon. Thus I saw it in my best interest to save my energy and retreat from this bitter war. With my hatred for The Derailleur now engulfing my entire life, I knew I could no longer exist this way.

It was not until I had returned from the battle front in my mentally fragile state, weakened and exhausted that I learned of a Utopia of sorts. A paradise unscathed by the tormenting ways of The Derailleur that had plagued the rest of the cycling world. A peaceful state known only as the Single Speed. Something drew me to this bold new world. My passion for simplicity coupled with my love of the cycle, possibly? Whatever it was, something of this new world felt faintly familiar but exactly what it was I could not decipher. Nevertheless, it was on my mind around the clock. Nothing more could please me than the thought of such a wonderful state in which I could have my cake and eat it too, cycling in peace without even the slightest threat of The Derailleur and it's Napoleon-esque complex invading my way of life. Was this what was meant for me? Perhaps my recent battle had not been fruitless, after all would I not be so humbly appreciative of the Single Speed way of life if not for my bitter feud with The Derailleur?

Months have now passed since taking up residency in the world of the Single Speed. With the exception of a fortnight spent nursing a knee injury, every day lived here has been nothing short of joyous. They say we are creatures of habit and perhaps it is because of this that my rambling ways always seem to come calling. While I may still be considered youthful by many accounts, the days only allow for me to grow older. Recently I have heard talk of a new place, a more simple way, even more simplistic than that of the Single Speed some say. They call it the Fixed Gear. They say the simplicity is such that the need for handbrakes is obsolete. The cycle can be stopped by merely "pedalling backwards". Some say they are crazy, that this cannot be. Regardless, the prospect of this Fixed Gear intrigues me, drawing me like a moth to a flame. I must judge for myself. I will move swiftly and embark on this rugged new world at once but I shall not go it alone. For I fear that I cannot succeed in such a place without the company of my trusty Peugeot whom has fallen prisoner to The Derailleur and its army of Ten Cogs. Liberating the craft will be a not be a terribly easy task but a necessary task nonetheless as nobody deserves a chance at the Fixed Gear life more than my Peugeot. As I plot the rescue of my trusty cycle, I have come to realize that such a feat would not be wise to attempt alone. I must gather a crew. Word around town has it that there is no better crew to be found than the Team at Collins Cycle Shop but will they do it? Will they stand beside me in my attempt to free my trusty craft from the evil clutches of The Derailleur and seek a new life in the world of the Fixed Gear? It is said that they have experience in this field, but can I trust them? My instincts tell me I can. I have no other option I must go to them at once for I cannot do this without them.